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So, I had a boyfriend for about 3 weeks.  No secret.
Today we had a fight cause I wouldn’t tell him what I was whispering into my friends ear (just a girl friend).

He just gets up and says, “Fine. Don’t tell me,” then walks a few blocks to his house till my friends caught up to him and convinces him to come back.  I was outside just chilling, till I see my 2 best friends talking and laughing with him.  I was mad so I didn’t talk to him at all for hours.  He didn’t say a word to me also.

Now, I don’t know what I should do.  Do I  want to end our relationship before something like this happens again, or talk to him tomorrow when I see him at school and work things out.  I mean, you DO learn from your mistakes.  But he’s just so rude.

Any advice…

Ok, I am dating this wonderful women who I met last year in class. We have been dating for 1 year and 2 months. I found out she likes this other guy? How should I confront her about this? Should I be worried about this? Is this a normal thing? Will this affect our relationship?

Q.  I’ve recently come out of a horrible relationship.  I’m feeling a bit low and wondering if you have any advice?

A.  Ending any relationship, even a bad one, can be hard and takes time.  There are normal stages you will go through…shock, grief, anger, and acceptance.  Many people stay in bad relationships simply because it’s easier than change.  But staying in a bad relationship is not good for anyone involved…you, your ex, children, family or friends.

Start by using this time to find yourself again, do things that make you feel good…find hobbies and activities that you enjoy, especially if it gets you out of the house and helps you meet people with similar interests.

Pamper yourself, make sure you eat healthy, meditate, get enough rest.  Spend time outside, exercise…go for a walk or a hike.  Spend time with people you like, people that can make you laugh.  All these things can help distract you from thinking about the past for a little while, and exercise and meditation produce endorphins and hormones that boost your mood levels.

This would also be a good time to occupy yourself with working on that project you’ve been putting off for a while or volunteer to help someone else…it’s hard to feel bad when you’re accomplishing goals and doing something good.

When you find yourself thinking about something that makes you feel bad, stop…you have the power to choose how you feel.  It isn’t always as easy as it sounds but it gets easier with practice.  When you catch yourself feeling bad observe how you feel (all the physical feelings in your head, your chest, your breathing, etc.), then ask yourself if those thoughts and feelings are serving you in a positive way or a negative way.  Pain comes from fighting against the way things are, when you learn to accept what is you can move on to dealing with the situation constructively…this works for anything in life from little inconveniences to major disasters.

With each relationship you learn more about what you want and what you don’t want in your next relationship.  Take time to make a list of the characteristics you want in your perfect mate, when you know what you want you will find yourself attracting what you are looking for into your life.  It also helps to take some time to learn how to communicate with the opposite sex in order to make a future relationship the best it can be.

And remember, a failed relationship only means that you just haven’t met the right person yet…they’re still out there looking for you, too!

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I really wanted to share this post about the emotions that go along with making changes in a relationship, it was written by a good friend of mine, Michael Hoffman, who is also a transformational speaker.

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Breaking Unwritten Contracts When You Make Change in a Relationship

All relationships are contractual. Often these contracts are unwritten and unsaid – yet they control most of the experiences of the relationship. We are typically not consciously aware of what we have agreed to with this person. During this winter time of introspection, we may become aware that a relationship that is not working for us. We seek to change the relationship.

When we change the way that we act in a relationship, we break the existing contracts that we had with this person. The person that has the contract broken on them usually feels betrayed, hurt, or angry. The person that breaks the contract often feels guilty. These dynamics tend to happen even if the contract that you are breaking is unhealthy for you and the other person. They were likely comfortable with the way that it was. The other person will often try to convince you to return to the way that it was. They may let you know how painful and inconvenient that this new way is for them.

If this is change you really want, it is essential to allow the other person to have his or her feelings, but not get seduced or talked into returning back into the way that it was. You will likely feel guilty. They will feel hurt. When I was part of a support group that was challenging contracts, we used to welcome the guilt as a sign that we were progressing in challenging our old contracts.

You replace the old contracts with new parameters on how you want the relationship to be. Parameters give you and the other person clear signals on where you are willing and not willing to go in the relationship. You then respond to the person based on your new parameters instead of the old contracts.

Over time as new grooves get established, the parameters become the new contracts. Only this time they are consciously chosen by you – so you can have the experience that you want to have with that person.

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Michael writes beautiful posts, visit his site at http://michael-hoffman.blogspot.com/ to read more of his inspirational thoughts.

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