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Q.  I’ve recently come out of a horrible relationship.  I’m feeling a bit low and wondering if you have any advice?

A.  Ending any relationship, even a bad one, can be hard and takes time.  There are normal stages you will go through…shock, grief, anger, and acceptance.  Many people stay in bad relationships simply because it’s easier than change.  But staying in a bad relationship is not good for anyone involved…you, your ex, children, family or friends.

Start by using this time to find yourself again, do things that make you feel good…find hobbies and activities that you enjoy, especially if it gets you out of the house and helps you meet people with similar interests.

Pamper yourself, make sure you eat healthy, meditate, get enough rest.  Spend time outside, exercise…go for a walk or a hike.  Spend time with people you like, people that can make you laugh.  All these things can help distract you from thinking about the past for a little while, and exercise and meditation produce endorphins and hormones that boost your mood levels.

This would also be a good time to occupy yourself with working on that project you’ve been putting off for a while or volunteer to help someone else…it’s hard to feel bad when you’re accomplishing goals and doing something good.

When you find yourself thinking about something that makes you feel bad, stop…you have the power to choose how you feel.  It isn’t always as easy as it sounds but it gets easier with practice.  When you catch yourself feeling bad observe how you feel (all the physical feelings in your head, your chest, your breathing, etc.), then ask yourself if those thoughts and feelings are serving you in a positive way or a negative way.  Pain comes from fighting against the way things are, when you learn to accept what is you can move on to dealing with the situation constructively…this works for anything in life from little inconveniences to major disasters.

With each relationship you learn more about what you want and what you don’t want in your next relationship.  Take time to make a list of the characteristics you want in your perfect mate, when you know what you want you will find yourself attracting what you are looking for into your life.  It also helps to take some time to learn how to communicate with the opposite sex in order to make a future relationship the best it can be.

And remember, a failed relationship only means that you just haven’t met the right person yet…they’re still out there looking for you, too!

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I really wanted to share this post about the emotions that go along with making changes in a relationship, it was written by a good friend of mine, Michael Hoffman, who is also a transformational speaker.

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Breaking Unwritten Contracts When You Make Change in a Relationship

All relationships are contractual. Often these contracts are unwritten and unsaid – yet they control most of the experiences of the relationship. We are typically not consciously aware of what we have agreed to with this person. During this winter time of introspection, we may become aware that a relationship that is not working for us. We seek to change the relationship.

When we change the way that we act in a relationship, we break the existing contracts that we had with this person. The person that has the contract broken on them usually feels betrayed, hurt, or angry. The person that breaks the contract often feels guilty. These dynamics tend to happen even if the contract that you are breaking is unhealthy for you and the other person. They were likely comfortable with the way that it was. The other person will often try to convince you to return to the way that it was. They may let you know how painful and inconvenient that this new way is for them.

If this is change you really want, it is essential to allow the other person to have his or her feelings, but not get seduced or talked into returning back into the way that it was. You will likely feel guilty. They will feel hurt. When I was part of a support group that was challenging contracts, we used to welcome the guilt as a sign that we were progressing in challenging our old contracts.

You replace the old contracts with new parameters on how you want the relationship to be. Parameters give you and the other person clear signals on where you are willing and not willing to go in the relationship. You then respond to the person based on your new parameters instead of the old contracts.

Over time as new grooves get established, the parameters become the new contracts. Only this time they are consciously chosen by you – so you can have the experience that you want to have with that person.

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Michael writes beautiful posts, visit his site at http://michael-hoffman.blogspot.com/ to read more of his inspirational thoughts.

www.bestromancesecrets.com
Relationship Advice, Dating Tips, Romance Ideas for Singles and Couples

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Many women’s insecurities lead them to believe men have an affair because of the other woman’s looks or because she feels that he no longer finds her attractive because she’s gained weight or gotten older.

However, what men want more than a pretty face or nice body is to be ADMIRED by their partner.

The truth is most men that have affairs are CRAVING admiration.

At home, many men feel nagged and unappreciated.

At the office, they are the ‘hero’.

If a man doesn’t feel admired at home, he becomes easier prey for any woman that makes him feel respected and admired.

Understanding men is a powerful first line of defense in building a solid relationship, you will get what you want when you give them what they need.

When a woman makes her man feel admired she cloaks him in ‘affair-proof’ armor because most men would do anything not to lose her admiration.

This short video has some great tips on how to get your man to treat you right while making him feel like your hero using the Conscious Retraining Method in the Magic of Making Up manual.  No nagging involved… and for you guys reading, this works both ways.

The Magic of Making Up is usually read by people who want to get back together with their ex’s, but as you’ll hear in the video it’s also a great help to improve your relationship and prevent you from breaking up to start with.

Learning the secrets to having great relationships is an important skill you will use for the rest of your life in any relationship you have.  A great relationship brings much happiness, love, and security into your life.  Love is your reward in life.  It is well worth the time and effort to learn the valuable skills involved with romance and relationships.

Stop worrying about your partner having an affair, learn how to prevent it.  If an affair is already threatening your relationship you need to learn how to turn the situation around and repair the relationship before it gets worse…if you want to save your relationship you need a plan.

Go here to review more of the Magic of Making Up.

Visit http://www.BestRomanceSecrets.com for more relationship, dating and romance advice.

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This information was written by Bob Grant, founder of RelationshipHeadquarters.com.

Whenever I speak with a new client there is always a challenge. This challenge is that I must manage to get enough information, while at the same time giving the client something helpful. To give someone information that is truly helpful, a counselor needs to understand that person, the details of their situation and a little bit of their history.

This is not an easy thing to accomplish in the first session. However, there is one thing that I have noticed with my female clients that believe it or not nearly all of them do. Yet, they never realize they are doing it. Often I notice them doing this in the first visit, and they are surprised that I make such an issue of it. Part of the reason that I have to point their behavior out to them is that it actually comes across as unattractive to men. So what is this insight about what women do that men find unattractive?

Most women don’t receive compliments well.

Actually, a more honest statement would be that most women are terrible at receiving compliments. They don’t want others to think they are arrogant, snobby or even worse – a bitch. But in an attempt not to appear conceited, they fail to understand how they appear to a man.

When a man compliments you, he’s actually giving you something – like a flower or a gift. If you minimize his words, he feels like you are belittling his gift. If you do that enough, you’ll train him not to give to you. In effect, you’re telling him you don’t believe the nice thing he said about you. He won’t think you’re being humble. Instead, he’ll soon believe that he was mistaken to believe you’re wonderful.

So what should you do?

When a man compliments you, smile and simply say “thank you.” Oh, I realize it sounds simple, and it is. But if you begin doing this, you’ll find that you may feel very vulnerable. To receive a compliment can be unnerving. It takes practice. But from a man’s perspective, it conveys confidence and is very attractive.

Bob Grant is a Clinically trained Licensed Professional Counselor with over 20 years experience, Media Expert on Relationships and Men, and the Best-Selling Author of 4 Books:

* The Woman Men Adore -   Click Here

* How Do I Get Him Back -   Click Here

* What Husbands Can’t Resist -  Click Here

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I have read both The Women Men Adore and Find the Man of Your Dreams and I they both contain very good information.

I think The Women Men Adore and Never Want to Leave is a book every woman should read and would benefit from, it’s good for anyone looking for a new relationship or wanting to improve an existing relationship.  I have even given it to my teenage daughters to read because I want them have the information that can help them have the happiest relationships possible.

How to Find the Man of Your Dreams is great for nailing down what qualities you would like to have in your perfect partner and determining what thoughts and habits you have that might be stopping you from finding the man of your dreams.

Feel free to click on the links above to review the books in more detail and see what special bonuses are included with them.

If you have a friend who could use a little help in the romance department then please share this with them…life is too short to waste one more minute lonely or in a relationship that is anything less than a celebration of life!

www.bestromancesecrets.com
Relationship, Dating and Romance Advice for Singles and Couples

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Do you keep attracting the wrong type of people into your life.

Are you having trouble finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

How would you like to change your luck and learn how to attract your perfect mate!

By now just about everyone has heard of the Law of Attraction, creating in your life what you desire.  Most people associate this with money, but it works for anything…love included.

The key to getting what you want is to know what you want.  In the book, How to Find the Man of Your Dreams, author Bob Grant says you need to clearly define what traits you are looking for in your perfect person.  Take 5 minutes and brainstorm, write down anything you can think of that you would find attractive in your perfect mate.  When you’re done narrow it down to the three you feel are most important.

Be sure to think in terms of positive thoughts, for example you should say, “I want someone who has a happy, positive attitude,” instead of, “I don’t want someone who fights or argues all the time.”  You will attract what you think about, and if you are thinking about what you don’t want that is exactly what you will end up getting.

I love the true story of just how fast the law of attraction can work to attract someone into your life in this infomercial for the popular set of cd’s titled “Your Wish is Your Command – How to Manifest Your Desires”.

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(You can get Your Wish is Your Command at 75% off the regular price at this web site: http://mindshiftrevolution.info)

You’ve heard the saying that the definition of insanity it doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results.  If you want something in your life to change you have to change something in your life…which usually starts with what you think.  If you’re not happy with the people you’ve been dating then you need to figure out where the problem is.

I’ve read these books and I think they’re right-on for helping determine what might be stopping you from finding your perfect partner, I highly recommend taking the time to check them out.

How to Find the Man of Your Dreams

The Women Men Adore…and Never Want to Leave

I’ve also listened to Your Wish is Your Command, learning the real secret to using the law of attraction is something everyone could benefit from.  I only wish I had listened to it months ago.  Watch the video above and then go to http://mindshiftrevolution.info/your-wish-is-your-command to read the story behind the creation of Your Wish is Your Command.

Wishing you success!