Q. I’ve recently come out of a horrible relationship. I’m feeling a bit low and wondering if you have any advice?
A. Ending any relationship, even a bad one, can be hard and takes time. There are normal stages you will go through…shock, grief, anger, and acceptance. Many people stay in bad relationships simply because it’s easier than change. But staying in a bad relationship is not good for anyone involved…you, your ex, children, family or friends.
Start by using this time to find yourself again, do things that make you feel good…find hobbies and activities that you enjoy, especially if it gets you out of the house and helps you meet people with similar interests.
Pamper yourself, make sure you eat healthy, meditate, get enough rest. Spend time outside, exercise…go for a walk or a hike. Spend time with people you like, people that can make you laugh. All these things can help distract you from thinking about the past for a little while, and exercise and meditation produce endorphins and hormones that boost your mood levels.
This would also be a good time to occupy yourself with working on that project you’ve been putting off for a while or volunteer to help someone else…it’s hard to feel bad when you’re accomplishing goals and doing something good.
When you find yourself thinking about something that makes you feel bad, stop…you have the power to choose how you feel. It isn’t always as easy as it sounds but it gets easier with practice. When you catch yourself feeling bad observe how you feel (all the physical feelings in your head, your chest, your breathing, etc.), then ask yourself if those thoughts and feelings are serving you in a positive way or a negative way. Pain comes from fighting against the way things are, when you learn to accept what is you can move on to dealing with the situation constructively…this works for anything in life from little inconveniences to major disasters.
With each relationship you learn more about what you want and what you don’t want in your next relationship. Take time to make a list of the characteristics you want in your perfect mate, when you know what you want you will find yourself attracting what you are looking for into your life. It also helps to take some time to learn how to communicate with the opposite sex in order to make a future relationship the best it can be.
And remember, a failed relationship only means that you just haven’t met the right person yet…they’re still out there looking for you, too!
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