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I really wanted to share this post about the emotions that go along with making changes in a relationship, it was written by a good friend of mine, Michael Hoffman, who is also a transformational speaker.

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Breaking Unwritten Contracts When You Make Change in a Relationship

All relationships are contractual. Often these contracts are unwritten and unsaid – yet they control most of the experiences of the relationship. We are typically not consciously aware of what we have agreed to with this person. During this winter time of introspection, we may become aware that a relationship that is not working for us. We seek to change the relationship.

When we change the way that we act in a relationship, we break the existing contracts that we had with this person. The person that has the contract broken on them usually feels betrayed, hurt, or angry. The person that breaks the contract often feels guilty. These dynamics tend to happen even if the contract that you are breaking is unhealthy for you and the other person. They were likely comfortable with the way that it was. The other person will often try to convince you to return to the way that it was. They may let you know how painful and inconvenient that this new way is for them.

If this is change you really want, it is essential to allow the other person to have his or her feelings, but not get seduced or talked into returning back into the way that it was. You will likely feel guilty. They will feel hurt. When I was part of a support group that was challenging contracts, we used to welcome the guilt as a sign that we were progressing in challenging our old contracts.

You replace the old contracts with new parameters on how you want the relationship to be. Parameters give you and the other person clear signals on where you are willing and not willing to go in the relationship. You then respond to the person based on your new parameters instead of the old contracts.

Over time as new grooves get established, the parameters become the new contracts. Only this time they are consciously chosen by you – so you can have the experience that you want to have with that person.

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Michael writes beautiful posts, visit his site at http://michael-hoffman.blogspot.com/ to read more of his inspirational thoughts.

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Do you want to get him back?  If you had a close, loving relationship with a man who later dumped you, you may want to get back together.  You have a lot of emotional investment in the relationship, and may not want to throw it away without an attempt to reignite the flame. Here’s how to get him back.

First of all, you need to analyze your own feelings.  Do you still care deeply about your ex?  Sometimes a great passion burns into being merely comfortable.  You don’t want to lose your ex because he’s like an old slipper.  But comfort doesn’t make a great relationship.   There has to be a great love.  If you still have passionate feelings for your old boyfriend, you can move onto the next step of how to get him back.

And that next step is examining how he feels about you.  Does he have the same kind of grand love?   If the problems in the relationship were things you can work on – communication, time management, goal awareness – then you can get him back.  But, if the problem was deeper – he was no longer in love with you – you should start to move on now.

When you have determined that this was a grand love, you can start to work on the things that can bring you back together.  For instance, think back to who you were when your boyfriend fell for you.  Perhaps you weighed 10 pounds less, had a more optimistic outlook on life, were close to your girlfriends, or were involved in a variety of activities.

After you spend time with a guy, you begin to change.  You spend less time with girlfriends or on your own activities as he begins to demand more of your presence.  You may have let yourself go because you felt secure in his affection.

If you want to win him back, you need to go back to being the woman he fell in love with.

Another tip on how to win him back is to practice detachment.  Don’t call, text, or stalk him.  You don’t want to appear desperate.  By seeming to accept the situation, you actually become more desirable to him.

In practicing detachment, you also begin to focus on what makes you happy. You get reconnected to friends and family.  You take up hobbies and other things which interest you.  You become a more positive person in general. This all helps in winning him back.

When you do get together with your ex from time to time, use the past to your advantage.  For instance, if there was an outfit he really liked to see you in, wear it.  If you eat at a restaurant where you had a good time with him, mention that you were there again.  Because you have many positive experiences with this guy, you can use your common history to get him back.

From time to time, invite your ex to non-committal type events.  Ask him to join a group of your friends at a bar or invite him to a party.  Let him know he’s free to bring a date.

Finally, if you want to win him back, just be yourself.  Either he’s in love with you or he isn’t. You can’t change who you are to get him back.  You can only be yourself.

Click here for more tips on how to get him back.

Read more relationship articles and get a free ebook perfect for Valentines Day, “101 Romantic Ideas,” at www.BestRomanceSecrets.com

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“Flirting With Men Takes You From Nice to Charming”

Whether you’re single or committed, flirting makes life more fun!  Some will  say people in relationships shouldn’t flirt…I disagree.  There are different kinds of flirting, casual or for romance.  You do have to know where to draw the line.

The art of flirting can take you from nice to charming, when done right.  Charming people are fun to be around, and men especially are drawn to women who smile and laugh.  They find self-confidence attractive, and nothing says that more than a little flirting.

A true flirt uses almost every encounter with a man to make him feel more like a man – making him feel charmed and wanted and special. Men love it when a woman  flirts with them.

Flirting sends a man the kind of message that is vital to his sense of masculinity and his self-esteem. There are so many men who are simply starved for this kind of attention.

When you flirt with a man, you stay in a that man’s mind – sometimes for years!

Anyone can have a conversation – but casual flirting says that you think they’re important, and romantic flirting shows that you really care about him, not just as a person, but as a man!

Flirting with your husband is a wonderful way to make him feel important every day.  And if he’s getting attention from you he’ll be less likely taken in by someone else’s charms.

Why not practice your flirting on the men you consider to be “safe”?

Why not flirt with men a little more today than you did yesterday?

Start with a warm smile for everyone. That’s the first step in practicing flirting. And smiling is not against the law, the last time I checked!

But what if you don’t habitually flash everyone a big smile as you go about your day?

In that case, don’t make sudden radical changes in your behavior. That can cause your friends and co-workers to wonder what’s up with you!

The best way to incorporate a new behavior in your life is in small doses. Otherwise, you may abandon a good effort before you’ve even begun. Whatever you do, keep flirting with men until it becomes as easy as saying hello.

Stay with it. Just flirt a LITTLE more today than you did yesterday. Start with smiling MORE. At everyone!

If you’re married, small changes are a great way to start being more flirtatious with your husband. Start with a longer kiss hello or goodbye. Start showing more happiness with the world and with him.

Little changes go a long way when you increase the amount of flirting in your life.

Flirting says, “I find you attractive – I notice that you are a man – and I am a woman!”

It’s a message that will never, ever go out of style.

Remember to keep your flirt on!  Read more about how to flirt with men at  FlirtWithMen.com.

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For more on dating, relationship and romance visit www.bestromancesecrets.com and download your FREE copy of “101 Romantic Ideas.”

Author and Flirting Expert Mimi Tanner reveals the secrets of getting the attention and devotion of your man. Her email column “With Love, Mimi Tanner” is read by thousands of women every day. Visit her website and find out more about How To Flirt With Men.

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